School’s Out, Routine’s Dead: Why That’s Okay

School holidays don’t need a perfect routine, sometimes a simple walk together is enough.

The school bell stops and suddenly the whole house feels slightly unhinged.

Bedtimes slide. Screens creep in earlier. Lunch becomes a vague concept. Days blur together without a clear start or finish.

Somewhere in your head, a little alarm goes off telling you this means you’re dropping the ball.

You’re not. This is just a school holiday.

"Connection before correction.”

 Dr Dan Siegel, psychiatrist and author

Holidays are meant to feel different. When we try to run them like a normal term week, that’s when everyone gets grumpy.

The Pressure No One Talks About

A lot of dads feel an unspoken pressure to keep things “on track.”Same routines. Same rules. Same rhythm. As if letting things loosen says something about us.

It doesn’t. It just means school’s out.

Most of us aren’t anxious about the kids. We’re anxious about losing control of the shape of the day. When there’s no drop-off, no pick-up, no clear edges, it can feel like the wheels might come off completely.

Structure vs Control

Structure still matters. Kids need some anchors. So do we. But there’s a big difference between helpful structure and pointless control.

Helpful structure is a few steady touchpoints: meals together when you can, some movement outside, a rough bedtime window, checking in properly with your kids.

Pointless control is stressful because lunch happened later than usual or screens went longer than planned on a hot afternoon when everyone’s fried.

Choosing Connection Over the Clock

When routines loosen, you get small windows you don’t usually have. A slow breakfast. A chat in the car. A random kick outside. Sitting together doing not much at all.

Those moments matter more than sticking to the schedule you wish you had.

Watching the clock all holidays is exhausting. Watching your kids a bit more closely tends to land better.

What Actually Holds the Fort

You don’t need a full routine to be a solid dad over the holidays. You just need a few anchors you keep coming back to.

Consistency in how you show up. Calm in how you respond. Willingness to let the day be what it is instead of what you planned.

This Doesn’t Say Anything About You

If the house feels louder, messier, and slightly off-kilter right now, that’s not a sign you’re doing it wrong.

It’s a sign school’s out.

The routine will come back. The rhythm will settle. The plates will spin again soon enough.

For now, a bit of looseness is not a problem to solve. It’s part of the season.

DADDING IN ACTION

Take the kids somewhere simple today: a beach walk, or a slow wander without any distractions

Resources:

1. The Whole-Brainchild by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

   Strategies for nurturing emotional health through connection, helping parents prioritise relationships over rigid structure during unstructured times like holidays.

   Purchase on Scribe Publications Australia

   
   

2. No-Drama Discipline by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

   Brain-based guide to compassionate parenting that favors "connection before correction," ideal for relaxed holiday rhythms without losing anchors.

   Details on DrDanSiegel.com

   
   

3. Connect Then Redirect on Raising Good Humans Podcast with Dr. Dan Siegel

   Episode unpacks Siegel's principles for building bonds first in chaotic periods, aligning with holiday flexibility and presence over perfection.

   Listen on Apple Podcasts