When Your Kid’s Struggling at School (And You Don’t Know Why)

Some school struggles don’t show up on report cards - but dads notice anyway.

You know something’s off. School’s become a sore spot - maybe they’re quieter, maybe they’re angry. Homework’s a battle, mornings are tense, and the phrase “It was fine” has never sounded less convincing.

But when you ask what’s going on?

Silence. Shrugs. Maybe even a slammed door.

It’s a helpless feeling - especially when all you want to do is help.

Not Every Struggle Looks the Same

Sometimes it’s marks dropping. Other times it’s headaches, tears, or just a gut feeling that something’s not right. Kids don’t always know how to explain what’s wrong - and even when they do, they might not want to.

It could be schoolwork. It could be friendships. It could be anxiety. It could be nothing dramatic at all - just a slow build-up of pressure they haven’t learned how to carry yet.

As psychologist Dr Jodie Benveniste says:

“When kids can’t talk about what’s wrong, they act it out instead. That’s their language.”

So what do you do when they won’t - or can’t - tell you?

Your Job Isn’t to Fix It. It’s to Notice It.

You don’t need to turn into a school counsellor. But you do need to pay attention. Look at the patterns. When do the moods hit? Is it certain subjects? Certain people? A particular time of day or week?

Ask, “What’s been the hardest part of school lately?” instead of the usual “How was your day?”

Open the door to a more specific answer. Then let the silence sit. Give them room.

And when they do talk - don’t jump straight to solutions. Stay curious. Stay calm. You’re not the fixer. You’re the safe space.

The School Might Not See What You See

Teachers don’t live inside your kid’s brain. They see behaviour - not always context. If something feels off, bring it up. You’re not being that parent. You’re being an involved one.

Request a meeting. Ask honest questions. Share what you’re seeing at home - even if it’s just a vague hunch.

Sometimes it takes a parent flagging it for the dots to start connecting.

Don’t Go Full Drill Sergeant

When a kid’s struggling, pressure rarely helps. (Even if your instinct is to push harder.) They don’t need lectures. They need belief. They need to know they’re still smart, still good, and still loved - even if school feels hard right now.

Try:

• A short walk instead of a sit-down talk

• Shared silence instead of 20 questions

• Reminding them of something they’re good at - outside of school

Your calm is a lifeline. Even when it feels like it’s going nowhere.

Don’t Ignore the Obvious Either

If the struggle keeps dragging out, get help. Tutor. GP. Psych. Sometimes you need outside eyes to see what’s underneath.

It doesn’t mean something’s “wrong” with your kid. It just means they’re human. Like the rest of us.

DADDING IN ACTION

Pick one day this week and ask your kid: “What’s been the hardest part of school lately?” Then stop talking. Just listen.

Resources

• Podcast: Parental As Anything

  Hosted by Maggie Dent. Grounded advice for navigating emotions, school stress, and growing resilience.

• Website: Learning difficulties: information for parents

  Practical resources to help identify and support school-related learning issues.

• App: Smiling Mind

  A mindfulness tool used in many Australian schools to help kids with stress and focus. Great for at-home use too.