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How to Spot When a Mate’s Not Okay (And What to Say Instead of ‘You Good?’)
- Aussie Dadding
- Oct 18, 2025
- 2 min read
You know the script. You see your mate, give a nod, toss out the classic: “You good?” He fires back with the equally classic: “Yeah, mate, all good.” End of scene. Curtain falls. Except, sometimes it’s not all good, and you’ve just missed the cue.
" Men often default to surface-level check-ins because they’ve been socialised to see vulnerability as weakness, but genuine connection starts when we move past autopilot phrases and notice what’s really going on”
Spotting the Signs He’s Struggling
Men rarely wave a white flag when things are rough. Instead, look for the subtler signals:
Pulling back from social stuff he normally loves.
Getting snappy or irritable over nothing.
Using humour to deflect when something serious comes up.
Letting routines slip like the gym schedule, weekly sport routine, even the weekend Bunnings trip.
These aren’t random quirks; they’re red flags that something might be brewing.
Better Questions Than “You Good?”
The trick isn’t complicated: ask about what you see, not who he is. Specific beats are vague every time.
Instead of: “You good?” Try:
“Haven’t seen you at the kids’ footy games lately is everything okay at home?”
“You mentioned being wiped after work last week. How’s the juggle with the little ones going?”
“Haven’t heard you whinge about school pick-up traffic in ages, want to vent over a coffee?”
These questions cut through the generic surface and show you’re paying attention not just to him, but to the dad-life stuff that shapes his world.
What Not to Do
Don’t brush it off with “You’ll be right.”
Don’t turn everything into a joke.
Don’t go into fix-it mode the second he opens up.
Your job isn’t to solve, it’s to listen. Let him steer the convo. Sometimes just being heard is the win.
Why One Ask Isn’t Enough
Checking in isn’t a one-shot deal. A mate might fob you off the first time because it feels too hard or he doesn’t trust you’re genuinely up for the conversation. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means he’s testing the waters.
Circle back. Keep it casual, keep it consistent. A quick text, a second invite, or a follow-up chat tells him you actually mean it. Persistence shows care and sometimes, it’s the third ask that finally opens the door.
DADDING IN ACTION |
Send a quick message to a mate today: “Haven’t heard from you in a while, wanna grab a coffee this week?” |
Resources:
Raising Men by Eric Davis
Practical advice for fathers to nurture resilience, discipline, and emotional intelligence in sons.
I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real
This book is widely regarded as a key resource in understanding how men experience and express depression and offers guidance on supporting them.
Amazon - I Don't Want to Talk About It
The Highly Sensitive Man: How Mastering Natural Instincts, Ethics, and Empathy Can Enrich Men's Lives and the Lives of Those Who Love Them by Tom Falkenstein
This book specifically addresses men's unique emotional challenges and societal pressures around masculinity.
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