The Silent Load: Why Dads Bottle Things Up (And What to Do Instead)

Aussie Dadding
Jun 9
2 min read

Updated: Jun 10

Father sitting quietly, looking thoughtful with child in the background

“When men are taught to be tough, many learn to suffer quietly.”

— Anon

You hold it together. Because someone has to.

You’re the fixer, the rock, the one who gets on with it. And somewhere along the line, that became the job description. But behind the calm exterior, the jokes, and the can-do attitude, there’s often a silent load that no one sees.

Why Dads Stay Silent

Most dads don’t wake up thinking, Today I will bottle everything up until I spontaneously combust. It’s just... what we’ve learned. Growing up, many of us were taught to be strong, capable, emotionally bulletproof. Talking about feelings? That was for someone else.

There’s also the fear of becoming “too much.” The last thing you want is to dump your stress on your partner or worry your kids. So you keep it in. You handle it. Alone.

But silence isn’t strength. It’s just quiet.

The Mental Load No One Talks About

You’re not just carrying the groceries. You’re carrying:

The pressure to provide
Guilt about not being “present enough”
The invisible task list (school forms, bills, remembering birthdays)
Worry for your partner’s wellbeing
The quiet panic of Am I doing this right?

And often, there’s no outlet. No pause button. Just one foot in front of the other, hoping nothing breaks - especially you.

What You Can Do Instead

You don’t need to book a weekend retreat in the mountains or journal next to a scented candle (unless that’s your thing - in which case, power to you). This is about small, doable shifts that can take the edge off the weight.

Name it
Even just saying “I’m feeling flat today” is a start. Naming the emotion helps reduce its grip.
Find your one person
A mate. A sibling. Someone who won’t try to fix it, but will let you say it out loud.
Let your kids see you human
“Dad had a tough day” is a powerful sentence. It shows them that feelings are normal, and temporary.
Keep the basics tight
Sleep. Movement. Food. These aren’t luxuries; they’re your foundation.
Get ahead of the crash
Don’t wait until things get bad. If you’re overwhelmed, there’s support. It’s not weakness — it’s smart planning.

“It’s not about fixing men, it’s about listening to them - really listening - and showing them they’re not alone.”

— Dr Zac Seidler, Movember Foundation

Why Speaking Up Is a Strength

Your kids don’t need a perfect dad. They need a present one. One who shows up, even when he’s tired. One who’s willing to be real, not just right.

You might not get a round of applause for opening up. But you might sleep better. You might breathe easier. And you might teach your kids that strong doesn’t have to mean silent.