What Dads Say vs What Kids Hear

Aussie Dadding
Jun 5
2 min read

Father speaking to child at home with calm body language and mutual understanding.

The thing about children is, they listen.

Not when you want them to—certainly not when you’re asking them to find their shoes—but they do listen. And worse, they remember. Not just the words, but the tone, the timing, the way you said it while holding a half-eaten sandwich and pretending not to panic.

This means your well-meaning “You’re fine” might be translated, in the mind of your child, as: “Your feelings are irrelevant, please file them away and carry on.”

What follows is not a guilt trip. It’s a tour of five things dads say, what kids may actually hear, and how to rephrase them so you’re not accidentally auditioning for a role as their future inner critic.

1. “You’re fine.”

What you meant: You appear to have all your limbs and no blood loss.

What they heard: I don’t want to hear about your pain unless it's cinematic.

Say instead:

“That looked like it hurt. You alright?”
“Bit of a shock. Want to sit with me a minute?”

This is not about mollycoddling. It’s about reminding them that discomfort is survivable and noticed.

2. “Because I said so.”

What you meant: I’m tired, I’ve explained this already, and I’d like to move on.

What they heard: You don’t need to understand—just do what I say.

Say instead:

“I know that’s frustrating. We’ll talk more later, but this is the decision for now.”
“Right now, I need you to follow me on this. We'll unpack it soon.”

Authority works better when it doesn’t sound like a closing argument from a dictator.

3. “Calm down.”

What you meant: You’re loud and I’m close to losing it myself.

What they heard: Your feelings are inconvenient. Please minimise.

Say instead:

“Let’s take a breath together.”
“It’s okay to be upset. Want help calming down?”

Telling someone to calm down has never in history produced calm. It’s the emotional equivalent of shouting “RELAX” at a dog.

4. “You’re being silly.”

What you meant: You’re doing something odd in Coles and I’m worried people are watching.

What they heard: You’re embarrassing me. Stop being yourself.

Say instead:

“That’s... quite the idea. Tell me more.”
“You’ve got some strong creative energy right now.”

Not everything has to be encouraged. But a little curiosity never hurt anyone. Except possibly Picasso’s art teachers.

5. “Big boys don’t cry.”

What you meant: I want you to feel strong.

What they heard: Emotions are weakness. Suppress accordingly.

Say instead:

“It’s okay to cry. I do sometimes.”
“Let it out, then we’ll work it out together.”

Strength and silence are not synonyms. One is useful. The other gets you a tight jaw and a future ulcer. No one gets this right all the time. Even the people who write parenting books sometimes forget where they put the child. But if you can catch yourself in

the act of auto-parenting and reroute, even once, you’re ahead of the game.