No More Autopilot: 3 Small Shifts That Help Dads Re-engage

You’re There. But Are You Really There?

You know that weird feeling where you're doing all the right things, lunches made, school runs done, bedtime achieved, yet still feel like you're watching your own life from the sidelines? That’s parenting on autopilot. It creeps in quietly, often right around this mid-year hump when your energy dips, and the calendar feels like one big-recycled to-do list.

“When you pay attention to the present moment, you free yourself from the baggage of the past. And nothing says, ‘I love you’ to a child more than giving them your undivided presence.”

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, clinical psychologist.

Autopilot isn't a failure. It’s a symptom of modern life. Most dads drift in and out of this state. The key isn’t to feel guilty. It’s to notice when it’s happening and gently redirect yourself back in. Re-engagement doesn’t mean a massive lifestyle overhaul. It starts with minor course corrections that bring you back to the front seat of your own parenting.

Shift 1: Ask Better Questions

“How was school?” is the small talk of parenting and let’s be honest, it rarely sparks anything more than a shrug or a vague “fine.” To re-engage, upgrade your questions. Go for prompts that are specific, slightly silly, or emotionally honest: “Who made you laugh today?” “What was the weirdest thing someone said?” “Did you feel proud of anything today?”

These types of questions show your kids that you’re genuinely curious and not just going through the motions. Even better, they help your child tap into the emotional highlights of their day. It's not a full debrief. It doesn't need to be. It's just a small act of showing up that makes space for connection.

Shift 2: Give One Undivided Moment

You don’t need to be present all day. You just need to be fully present for one moment. Choose a point in your daily routine where you can park the distractions. Maybe it’s the walk to the car. Or the few minutes before lights out. Or while they’re eating toast and you’re sipping your first coffee.

The magic is in the undivided attention. One conversation without checking your phone. One look that says, “I'm here now.” That micro-moment sends a message louder than any lecture: “You matter. I see you.” Do it regularly enough and it becomes a rhythm your kids come to trust.

Shift 3: Share Something Real

Kids don’t need a superhero. They need a human. When you share something real from your day like something that annoyed you, made you laugh, or challenged you, you’re giving them permission to be real too.

You might say, “I was stuck in traffic so long I listened to an entire podcast on how bananas are farmed,” or “I messed up a work email and felt like an idiot for ten minutes.” These aren’t life lessons. They’re honest moments. Honest moments build trust.

The Second-Half Reboot

You don’t need a weekend retreat or a brand-new parenting philosophy. You need attention. You need awareness. Maybe you need a bit of humour about how easy it is to drift off course.

This second half of the year can be your reset. Not because you were failing. Because you're choosing to tune back in. Noticing, asking, connecting. It’s not dramatic. It’s just deliberate. That’s what matters.

DADDING IN ACTION

Skip the generic small talk tonight. Ask your kid, “What made you smile today?”

Resources:

1. The Whole-Brainchild by Dr. Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Brainchild book explaining how understanding a child’s brain can help you be more present and responsive. The Whole-Brain Child – (Book) | Dr. Dan Siegel’s Official Website

   
   

2. The Longest Shortest TimeA podcast about the surprises and struggles of parenting, emphasising authentic connection and presence. The Longest Shortest Time – (Podcast) | Official Website

   
   

3. The Dad Edge Podcast with Larry Hagner

   A podcast dedicated to dads who want to be more present, intentional, and engaged in family life. The Dad Edge – (Podcast) | Apple Podcasts