The Invisible Work of Being a Present Dad

You’re there. You do the school runs, make the toast, patch the scraped knees, and remember that one green bowl your kid will actually eat from. You’re showing up. Is that enough?

Being around isn’t the same as being present. These days, the role of “dad” isn’t just about earning the dollars or fixing the dodgy shelf. It’s emotional, mental, messy-and yes, a little bit invisible.

What We Mean by “Invisible Work”

Most of us grew up thinking the invisible work of parenting was what mums did. That’s still largely true in a lot of homes. It doesn’t mean dads aren’t doing their own version of it now.

This work isn’t just about packing school lunches or wiping counters. It’s about the thought behind everything. Like remembering your kid had a rough week at school even when they never said it outright. Or spotting when your partner’s on edge, even though they say they’re fine.

It’s checking in, checking back, and carrying a low-level scan of how everyone’s doing. You might never get acknowledged for it. Doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

The Mental Load of Dadding (Yep, You Feel It Too)

That low-level hum in your brain? The one whispering, Did I handle that right? Have I spent enough time with them this week? Should I bring that up or leave it? That’s part of it too.

Most of us were never shown how to carry the emotional side of fatherhood. No one handed us the tools for this stuff. So we fumble through and trying to be steady, fun, open, protective, present.

How Kids Know When You’re Really There

Kids pick up on more than we realise. If you're nodding while scrolling or zoning out during their stories, they’ll know.

Real presence looks like small moments. Making eye contact. Asking how their day went, then actually listening to the answer. Remembering the little things they said last week.

It’s Not About Doing Everything - It’s About Noticing Everything

No one’s handing out medals for packing the best lunch. The point isn’t doing all the tasks, yet it’s noticing what’s needed without waiting to be told.

That shift from “just give me the list” to “I’ve already got this one” - is what turns you from backup to partner. Your kids see it. Your partner feels it. It changes the whole rhythm of your home.

How to Keep Showing Up (Without Burning Out)

This kind of load might be invisible, but it’s heavy all the same. Carry it solo for long enough and it leaks out - in snappy replies, tired eyes, or that sigh you didn’t mean to make when someone asked for help with homework.

So set some boundaries. Claim ten minutes a day that are just yours - in the car, on a walk, or standing at the sink a bit longer than necessary.

And talk. To your partner. A mate. Someone who gets it. You’re not meant to white-knuckle your way through dadhood. You’re meant to live it - fully, honestly, and with space to breathe.

DADDING IN ACTION

Take two minutes today to actually notice the invisible load you’re carrying - then name it, even just to yourself.

Helpful Stuff:

• The Father Hood – Real Aussie dad stories

• Beyond Blue – Support for Dads – Mental health check-ins and resources

• Fair Play by Eve Rodsky – For sharing the invisible load at home without the arguments