The After-School Question That Works Better Than “How Was School?”

A good laugh goes further than “How was school?” ever did.

The school bag hits the floor. Shoes kicked off sideways. You ask the classic:

“How was school?”

And you get… “Fine.”

If you’re lucky.

It’s the go-to dad question - reliable as Vegemite on toast and just about as exciting. We ask it because we care. We ask it because we want in. But let’s be honest: “How was school?” is a conversational dead end. It’s too vague, too routine, and after a full day of concentrating, navigating playground politics, and remembering 36 different rules - your kid’s got nothing left for generic questions.

Why It Doesn’t Work

It’s a bit like asking “How was work?” at the dinner table. If someone asked you that, would you launch into a detailed summary or just grunt and change the subject? Exactly.

Kids are the same. It’s not that they don’t want to connect. They just need a better in.

The Timing Problem

Straight after school is when your kid’s brain is mush. You’ve picked them up, they’re hungry, they’re tired, they’ve been following rules all day. Their emotional fuel tank is on E.

That’s not connection time - that’s decompression time.

So don’t take the silence personally. Let them eat something, flop on the couch, kick a ball. Ask later. Or not at all. Half of this is just being around when they do feel like talking.

Smarter Questions That Actually Work

You don’t need a script. But you do need a tweak.

Instead of “how was school,” try questions that are:

• Specific (“What was the weirdest thing that happened today?”)

• Playful (“Did your teacher survive the day?”)

• Emotionally open (“What was the best part of your day - or the worst?”)

• Unexpected (“Did anyone fart loudly during assembly?”) - yes, go lowbrow. Kids love it.

Even better - tell them something from your day first. It breaks the ice and shows you’re not just there to extract intel.

(Check out our Dinner Table Convo Cards for more ideas.)

“If you want to know what’s going on in your child’s world, timing, tone, and trust matter more than the perfect question.”

— Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, Registered Psychologist

What Not to Do

Don’t fire off 20 questions in a row like a manager at performance review time.

Don’t correct their answers.

Don’t turn it into a life lesson before they’ve even finished chewing.

You’re not trying to get the report card early. You’re building rapport, not filing paperwork.

Keep the Door Open

Some days you’ll get a full rundown. Some days you’ll get a shrug. That’s fine. It’s not about scoring daily insights. It’s about making it safe and normal to talk - so one day, when something big does come up, you’re already the person they know how to talk to.

Dadding in Action

Tonight try:

“What made you laugh today?”

Then listen. No follow-ups, no fixing. Just see where it goes.

Resources

1. Podcast: Raising Good Humans

A grounded, practical parenting podcast hosted by Dr. Aliza Pressman, offering smart strategies for building connection and emotional insight - especially helpful when trying to get beyond one-word answers.

2. Article: Why Adolescents Lead Double Lives - Psychology Today

3. Book: The Whole‑Brain Child by Dr Dan Siegel & Dr Tina Payne Bryson

Offers practical language for connecting with kids emotionally — perfect when trying to ask better questions.

4. YouTube: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen (Workshop excerpt)

Practical, grounded communication tools from the classic parenting approach.